The Amazing Adventures of Nealan the Great
by StarryEmeraldNights
Summary: The Masbolle children discover a book named 'The Amazing Adventures of Nealan the Great.' It tells of the progressively outrageous plots of their Uncle Neal as he tried to make their parents fall in love during Midwinter ten years ago. Havoc ensues!KelDom
1. Prologue

**The Amazing Adventures of Nealan the Great**

**Synopsis: The Masbolle children, Kaydie and Lachran, stumble across a book called **_**The Amazing Adventures of Nealan the Great. **_**It tells the story of the progressively outrageous plots of their Uncle Neal as he tried to make their parents fall in love during the Midwinter ten years prior. Havoc ensues. KelDom, of course.**

_Disclaimer: All characters and settings belonging to Tamora Pierce_

_A/N: I'm back! Yay! Hope you enjoy this one as much as Midwinter Luck._

**Prologue**

'Mummy! Mummy! You're home!' Six-year-old Kaydaliene of Masbolle, known as Kaydie, squealed with delight as her mother walked into the library.

Spreading her arms wide and picking up her youngest as she ran into her at full speed, Lady Knight Keladry of Masbolle settled Kaydie onto her hip as she walked across the room towards her eight-year-old son, Lachran, who was intent on reading the book in his hands. 'Have you been good for your father, Kaydie?'

'Yes! Daddy took us into Corus last week and we had lunch with Uncle Neal. He told us all about the twelve-foot ogre you killed when you were only MY age!'

'_Twelve _feet?' Keladry asked incredulously. 'That must have been a very hard battle for a six year old.'

'Yep,' Kaydie answered solemnly. 'And that's where you got the big scar on your shoulder from, too.'

Keladry shook her head at her best friend's folly. 'Well I'm afraid that's not true, as exciting as it would be if it was. I got the scar on my shoulder fighting a Scanran mage and his henchman when I was nineteen.'

'Wow,' The little girl breathed in awe 'Why did you fight him? Was he bad? Did you win?'

'I fought him because he was evil,' Keladry explained as she sat down next to Lachran with Kaydie in her lap, the little girl listening intently to every word her mother spoke. 'And he was hurting innocent children. Aunt Loesia was one of the children he kidnapped.'

'And you saved her? But what about Uncle Tobe?'

'Now Tobe was the bravest of them all. He escaped before he could be kidnapped, but he insisted that he came with me to rescue all of the children.'

'And Dad?'

'Your father fought very bravely by my side. And,' Keladry added with a hint of amusement in her voice. 'He carried me unconscious out of the castle after my fight. He only actually admitted that to me last month.'

Lachran looked up and grinned briefly before settling back to his book, knowing how much his mother hated being fussed over.

'And Uncle Neal?' Kaydie asked.

'Uncle Nealan fought with us too, and healed those who were wounded in the battle.'

'Well, I do _like_ that story,' Kaydie said matter-of-factly. 'But Uncle Neal's ogre story was still better.'

Momentarily distracted, Keladry noticed the familiar green leather colour of the book her son was reading. 'What's that, Lachran?' She asked, fighting to keep her voice even as she grinned evilly inside. _They finally found it! I've been waiting for this moment for years!_

Lachran looked up again and smiled sheepishly, using his thumb to keep his place on the first page whilst flipping the book closed and holding it up to show the cover.

'_The Amazing Adventures of Nealan the Great_,' read Kaydie slowly. 'Who's Nealan the Great?' She asked her mother.

'That,' coughed Keladry as she continued to struggle not to laugh, a very rare occurrence given her Yamani training, 'Is your Uncle Nealan.'

'But I thought he was called Uncle Neal?' Kaydie asked, confused.

'Oh no,' Keladry told her two children solemnly 'Never call him Neal. Nealan, Meathead, Uncle Meathead if you want to be polite. But _never_ Neal.'

'What's the book about Mummy?'

'Well, it's a true story,' Keladry began, smiling wryly. 'About a very crazy Midwinter at the palace when Uncle Nealan got the idea into his head that he was going to bring myself and your father…together.'

'How?' Kaydie asked.

'Through a series of, well, progressively outrageous plots,' Keladry explained whilst laughing, having lost the battle to appear serious due to the memories flooding back of that hapless Midwinter ten years prior. 'Each plot takes up one chapter in the book. He eventually succeeded in his aim, of course, but not _quite_ before he managed to wreak havoc on the entire palace.'

'Can we read it?' Kaydie pleaded.

Keladry grinned mischievously. 'Why not? Just think of all the _extra_ special stories you'll be able to tell Uncle Nealan next time you see him.'


	2. Chapter 1: The Late Breakfast

**The Amazing Adventures of Nealan the Great**

Chapter 1: The Late Morning

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan groaned and pulled the covers over her head, attempting to block out the sunlight that was beginning to peek through the curtains hanging from the window of her palace quarters. 'Too tired, too tired,' she muttered, rolling over in disgust. She could _always_ get up at sunrise. Arriving back at the palace for the first time since the beginning of the Scanran war late last night or no, she could _always get up at sunrise_. 'Blech,' she muttered to her pillow, and fell back to sleep.

* * *

'Alright you lazy excuses for a squad of the King's Own! I want you up!' The booming, unmistakable voice of a commander rang through the barracks, coming from the quarters used by Sergeant Domitan's Squad. Only the good natured banter in the man's voice gave away the fact that he was hardly angry as he went along the beds, rapping on the bed heads to his own cries of 'Up! Up! Up!'

'Sergeant,' Wolset muttered into his pillow 'Did it ever occur to you that this is our first sleep in since arriving yesterday morning?'

'Your first and last, Corporal. This squad is going to become the pride of the King's Own, starting with making it to breakfast before the mess is closed for the cleaning before lunch!'

'The only pride we have is from that time last week we put bull ants in milord's sleeping roll.' That was Yesaf, a new addition to the squad.

'But don't you see, men?' Piped up Wolset as he stumbled out of bed, recovered from the shock of being woken before eleven in the morning. 'That's exactly Dommy's point. That prank was unoriginal! Uninspired! We've lost our touch, and we haven't got nothing better to be now than the pride of the King's Own. Right Sarge?'

That earned him a wack on the head with the book on his bedside table. Wolset suddenly became mock-livid, grabbing the book off of his commander and holding it up to him. 'I'm cut, Dommy. Do you know what this is? It's _The History of the King's Own_! Where is your pride that you speak of, hitting your beloved comrade with this holiest of books?' Wolset slowly raised an eyebrow as Dom stood there awkwardly for several seconds. 'Or is there another reason you want to get to the mess earlier than our traditional time of clean-up?'

The men sent the barracks echoing with laughter as Dom recovered his composure and snatched the book back off Wolset in order to check the title, thoroughly disappointed to discover that the jacket did indeed read _The History of the King's Own _in gilt letters. However, Yesaf suddenly coughed in a most remarkably strange manner that sounded most uncannily like 'Take off the jacket!'

'Huh?' Asked Wolset 'I'm not wearing a jacket, you stupid pride of Sergeant Domitan's Squad!'

'Aah,' countered Yesaf, folding his arms behind his head and leaning against the wall, quite enjoying himself. 'But that _book_ sure is wearing a _fancy_ jacket.'

Wolset realised that Yesaf was on to him just as Dom realised what Yesaf was on about. Pandemonium ensued as Dom ran for it, leaping from one bed to another in a bid to escape Wolset, who was putting up a desperate struggle to recapture his book before Dom could relinquish the novel of its jacket and read the title on the inside cover. Most of the squad were on the floor with laughter by this point.

Eventually Wolset's struggles were deemed in vain as Dom yelled out the true title of the book for the entire barrack to hear. 'Corporal Wolset's reading _The Ten-Step Guide to Finding the Perfect Husband!'_

The roaring laughter grew louder for a few seconds before it died off completely.

'Hold on a moment-,' Dom said, holding his hands up for quiet before pointing to the real cover with a puzzled expression on his face. '-Why are you reading _that_?'

Wolset gave a gulping grin normally reserved for those with a friend's sword held at their throat. 'I wasn't having much luck with _Five Ways to Become the Bachelor of the Midwinter Ball, _so I decided to try a little…reverse therapy, you know, figure out what the ladies are looking for…'

'Uh huh.' Dom replied in his mock-serious tone before pressing the bare book back against Wolset's chest, the cover long since discarded. 'You have fun with that.'

Wolset looked at Dom as if he'd sprouted another head. 'You're not going to read it? Do you know what I had to _do_ to get my hands on that book?' When Dom didn't take the bait, Wolset threw up his hands, book still tightly within his grip. 'I mean, hey, we all know you're the best with the ladies, but surely there's a lady somewhere who hasn't yet melted at your charms.'

'If there was, Wolset,' said Dom, his serious voice very well acted at this point as he paused to find the right words. 'I doubt that book would help.' Recovering himself before the squad could pick up that something wasn't quite right, Dom slapped Wolset on the shoulder with a pitying glance and got back to his business of waking up the squad.

Most laughed riotously at the entire scenario, but a few weren't quite so sure.

'And now,' Dom said, brushing his hands off in a mock tidy manner as his playful manner returned full swing, 'We go to breakfast.'

* * *

'Neal.'

'Booger.'

'Neal…'

'I said bogger.'

'Neal. It's eleven in the morning. I don't care if you said booger _or_ bogger, I want you up, and dressed, and ready to leave for breakfast in thirty seconds.' Yukimi's face and voice remained remarkably light and placid during this strange conversation.

'Boogerr.'

'Please don't make me have to say it.'

'Booooooggerr.'

'Shukushen.'

The effect of that one word was simply magnificent. Nealan of Queenscove absolutely leaped out of bed and hurtled in and out of the dressing room in ten seconds flat. His wife of two years, Yukimi, stood pleasantly by the door to their suite, a seemingly harmless fan hiding her small smile. Neal knew better, by painful experience. He ran out the door ahead of his wife.

'Thank you Nealan!' Yuki called after him as she locked the door.

'I've told you, it's Neal!' Came her husband's voice from far down the hallway. Yuki couldn't quite bring herself to yell that far, so Kel, who had just rounded the corner, did the honours.

'Sorry Meathead! It's just so much more fun to call you anything but!' Suddenly Kel realised how loudly she had just yelled and clapped a hand to her mouth, turning to Yuki worriedly. 'I must have woken someone.'

'Believe me, Keladry,' Yuki replied with a perfectly straight face, 'Anyone still asleep at this hour deserves to be woken up.'

'What?' Asked the taller woman as they both began the walk to the mess. 'What's the time?'

'Eleven.'

'_What?_' Asked Kel, stopping in her tracks.

'Don't be silly,' the Yamani countered to her old friend 'You are allowed to wake up late once in a while.'

'Oh, you're right Yuki. It's just, I hate not having anything to do. I hate being lazy. I've grown so used to working all day and night, and…' Keladry trailed off.

'You need the break,' Yuki told her firmly. 'But breaks don't mean having nothing to do, they just mean having different things to do.'

'I know I'm going to have things to do, it's just that I want something _important_ to do.'

'You've done enough _important_ things for other people to cover several life times. It's time you did a few _important_ things for yourself.'

Kel didn't answer, but continued walking briskly ahead down the long corridor. After about twenty seconds her resolve gave in and she took the bait. 'Important things like what?' She called back to her friend.

'Like finding someone you love.'

Kel stopped walking and turned on her heel to face the shorter woman, a quizzical expression on her face. 'Well that certainly wasn't what I was expecting. How is it you've become so adept at gossip when you've been living at New Hope all year?'

Yuki's eyes sparkled mischievously and Kel groaned, remembering all of the lover's tiffs that had been heaped upon her as the commander of the camp. 'No, don't answer that.'

'Then tell me Kel, have you actually been involved with anyone since you were a squire?'

Kel turned on her friend once more. 'I am _not_ having this conversation, _especially_ in a corridor.'

Yuki raised an eyebrow. 'The entire corridor is empty, unless you count the suits of armour.'

Kel diligently refused to answer. 'I'll take that as a no, then,' Yuki continued 'Anyone you have your eye on?'

Kel ran her hand through her hair in frustration. 'I've told you, I am not having this ridiculous conversation. You're making us sound like two court ladies.'

'We are women, and we are currently residing at court. You of all people should know what the Yamani's teach.'

'And which lesson is that?' Kel asked mock-sarcastically. 'The Yamani's have so _many_ useful lessons.' Kel grinned sheepishly in spite of herself, she sounded far too much like Dom just then.

'That the way to gain the true answers is to look at facial expression, not to listen to what people tell themselves. So you do have your eye on someone.'

Kel sighed, knowing when she was well and truly beaten at her own game. 'Not anymore.' She said slowly, in a voice she didn't quite own. 'I used to think I loved someone, but that was years ago and it is simply never going to happen.'

Yuki watched her friend carefully, but didn't say anything.

'Anyway, I'm far too busy to fall in love.' Kel countered, as if that settled it.

Yuki's eyes once again took on that mischievous spark as they reached the mess hall door. 'You've just spent the last three minutes telling me how you've nothing to do.'

* * *

'Who were you in love with, mummy?' Asked Kaydie eagerly. 'Was it daddy?'

'Well, at that point in the story, I didn't really know if I could ever be truly in love,' Kel explained, thinking wistfully back to that wonderful midwinter. 'But as it turned out, I was indeed in love with your father, as he was with me.'

'So Dad was the man you thought you'd loved, the one you talked about to Aunt Yuki?' The quieter, more serious Lachran asked.

'Yes he was. I had quite the crush on him for many years before I finally gave up on it.'

'And what about Dad? Did he like you for years as well?'

Keladry's eyes twinkled at this. 'Oh, he eventually admitted to me that the only thing that stopped him from beating up Cleon during my squire years was the fact that he knew he'd get a beating from Lord Raoul in return.'

Lachran smiled, but Kaydie knitted her eyebrows. 'I don't get it. Why would they beat each other up?'

'It's just a form of expression,' Lachran explained to his younger sister.

'I still don't get it. Why didn't you both just say you loved each other?'

Keladry laughed. 'Sometimes things like that aren't very easy to say, or even very easy to admit to yourself. But how about we continue the chapter and find out what happens next?'

'Yes please!' Kaydie said. 'Will Uncle Neal play a prank next?'

'Oh, I think it's quite the possibility.'


End file.
